I heard we made out
I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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