woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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