what day is it and did you see me today?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize