i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
