if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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