i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
