we're blogging at a bar
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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