I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
