If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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