Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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