No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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