My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
