Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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