My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
