Me. At least after what I've been through.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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