Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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