just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
