I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
