she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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