My friends, they love my intelligence
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
