I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
