Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
