I cockslap morals
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
