I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
