If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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