I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
