So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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