I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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