My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
