Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
