There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
