I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What a dumb baby whore.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
