The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
