I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
