take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
