Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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