let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
