i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
