so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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