I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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