They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
