Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
