i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
