I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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