He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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