the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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