i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
