Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
