what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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