I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
