I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
