i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
