oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
