i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
