i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
