I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
pray to the hookup gods
Enjoy the penises
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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