I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize