So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
