Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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