New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
