3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
