we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
