I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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