There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My vagina just recognized that song.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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