whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
