This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
