Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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