Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
