There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
