$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
