No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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