she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
