Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize