Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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