i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
