I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
