The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
