I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
