someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
