I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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