i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
