First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Randomize
