he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
