it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
