I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
