One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
