Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
