our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
