already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
