I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
