You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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