Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
