There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
