Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You made out with two different species that night
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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