True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
