Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
