just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
