so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
