The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
