I skipped work to stalk him.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
